I have endless tasks to fulfill,
fun to be enjoyed,
movies to be caught,
photos to be snapped,
idle times to be spent,
food to be eaten,
games to be played,
serials to catch up,
shopping to be done,
chalets to be tonned,
books to be savoured,
weights to be lost,
exercise to be done,
mahjong games to be won ( HAHA, CARO )
and overall,
FUN TO BE HAD.



But the damned Os are standing in the way.
Bloody hell.

Grad night. 21.10.05

naturally, everyone went trigger-happy. flashes everywhere in the auditorium, you would have thought bae-fucking yongjun came in.

yeah well.



given the mood, everybody got teary. hugs were given and recieved. promises made, but will they be kept?

I hate pooping over parties, but the damned school havent got a clue, instead of playing the corny yet neverfails VitC- graduation, they played some song by celine dion and whatsoever by whosoever. Like, HELLO. I was prepared to sob like a shamin' baby, but OH NO THERE"S NO SONG.

Nevertheless, there are some who shed tears, guess i got to work on my emotion factor. But the feeling in my heart is bittersweet, and tugs painfully every second. how i wanted to cry too, to hug all my dears to tell them i love them admist all my tears. BUT I JUST COULDNT.

):

Looking around the hall, i realised how much i owe Unity. How many memories were encapsulated here, how many laughters, how much tears. How many screams and how many smiles.

How many friends.

When i was home, i blasted The VitC song in my comp and started to reminsce.

It hit me like a truck,

Im never going to have a chance to sing our school song again.
Im never going to walk by fourseven early in the morning, looking at those dears. Tong making Mel and Ying laugh. Han shushing them cuz she wants to study. Caro NEVER there cuz she's always late.

Into My own beloved nest, eugene yelling HEY TZEMIN! everytime i step in.
Shahril listening to his mp3.
Don rushing his geography homework.
Waiming and Bahri fooling around.
Joyce pouring over her idol mags.
Denise sleeping LIKE ALWAYS. (:
Pris not there yet, as she's always fashionably late, reaching the class at the last possible minute. Fengkai's booming voice to be heard from the room all the way to the Yangtze river in Goddamned China.
Zhiling's unearthly screams whenever some bug got the better of her.
Yuting's laughter, scaring the wits out of everyone.
Jeenson and John, teasing anyone in the vicinity, evoking laughter from Andrew, guoxiang and their fellow musketeers.
Karen's yells, cuz she's ALWAYS getting bullied.


Mr Tan's sesame street's antics and his sweet dimpled smile that we have came to LOVE AND HATE.
Mrs Tan's lovely smile, and losing her voice everytime she teaches us.
Mr Fan incessant nagging about how we should ASK HIM QUESTIONS, even if we dont take physics.
Mrs Kumar's no-nonsense sharp voice, silencing the class effectively.
Mrs Quah's high pitched voice, telling us about YET ANOTHER MOCK EXAM.
Mrs Chan fingernails-against-the-chalkboard voice, warning the class NOT to pon her Geog AEP.


How i will miss, how i will cherish.

The comfortable feeling of belonging, the lovely feeling of being loved by your friends.
The easy going demeanour, knowing full well you can yell to the class with no sense of self-consciousness or shyness.
Will I ever be able to do that in my new class next year?

Will I ever be able to walk in and know you made a difference and you truly belonged, their smiles, their laughters. How i love. (:

I will miss so much,
i will miss my stingrays binges with qiaozhen.
I will miss john mocking me as i lost to him in another maths test.
I will miss karen's incessant teasing, making me laugh everytime.
i will miss pricilla's adorable antics, exasperating me everytime.
i will miss my crude+gossipy conversations with my brother, peppered with fucks and bloody hells. RIGHT SHAHRIL? (:
I will miss Bahri my hunky babe, with his superlong lashes. His singing and his guitar-strumming.
I will miss Don and his superniceguy attitude. ALWAYS willing to place his ipod mini at my mercy. (:
I will even miss waiming's bloody irritating teases, always getting me all fired up.
I will miss eugene's NON-GENTLEMANLY attitude towards me, always treating me like im his guy friend. ASS.


I will miss being able to stand on a chair and shouting to the class with no fear that no one is going to even bother about me.
You guys built up my confidence, how could i not remember?


When i thought about all these, i broke down and sobbed.
I cried like i never cried before.


1/8,2/8,3/7,4/6.
Thank Lord.
He gave me four wonderful years, one hell of a secondary school life.

I dont think it can ever be beaten,
and that you guys can ever be replaced.

It struck me a few chapters ago that I had forgotten what day it was today.
It was on the part where I was pondering over Double circulation In Mammals, that I realized,

Hey, isnt today Saturday?
Oh No its not. Kidscentral is not playing Pokemon.
Its err..ahh..um, Monday? Oh Tuesay !

Promptly satisfied with my brillant deduction, I determinedly shoved my wavering concentration back to the fascinating text on why our busy blood cells needed to zip through the heart twice in one circulation.

Probably those little red dudes are on steroids. (:


Oh no,

that wasnt even remotely amusing.
*puts head in hands and shakes in despair*


Im going off the edge,
that i am.

never mind,
i set up a cbox.

For the love of God,
please bloody hell spend jst 30 seconds tagging something alright.

it doesnt take much of an effort to make me happy. (=

I cant get the haloscan up.

Any volunteers will be greatly appreciated
and rewarded......





BY MY LOVE! (=

WHAT? you thought i was going to PAY you?

( Sweet sixteenth, jas. May Friday noon rawk. (= )

Imagine.

Since young, I had a hankering for lovely hotel rooms.
Quirky, yes. I know that too. (=

I love the soft goose feather pillows, fluffy and sweet-smelling.
I adore the lovely oak furnitures.
I find joy in padding over thick carpeting.
I delight in the opulent bathroom, gleaming metal fixtures, smooth marble floor.
AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE,
the thick, fluffy and every so BIG white hotel towels.
Wrapping myself in it, I breathe in the clean refreshing scent. Intoxicating, the fresh smell of pure smell of cleanliness.

Yes, I have not missed out the finer point of hotel rooms.
How its miraculously and magically spick and span after the morning's disarray.
Magic little helpers, nimble little fingers and quick little feets.

I adore hotel rooms. (=

Emotionally wraught. Over-wrung.

I rode the train from YewTee to Newton, alighted, got back again, rode to Orchard.
Hesitated.
Town? My Os is looming over ever so omniously.
I opened my bag, saw my prelims results, the red scrawls mocking me.

" You think you will be able to get an A1? Keep dreaming !"
My amaths paper seemed to be sneering.

"You think you can get 10 points like Jieying? Dont be so unrealistic LA. "
Those red scribbles, dancing around, chanting like cruel kindergarden kids, taunting, scorning. Whispering to me, Im going to screw the most important exam in my school life.
Laughing, pointing, smirking.


I zipped it up, got out, and waited for the train heading back to Woodlands.

oh so its back.

what the hell.

IS THIS THING TOYING WITH ME?

FUCK AND DOUBLE FUCK.

I had too much time on my hands and just HAD TO GO FIDDLE with my html.

now my haloscan is gone.
!@#$%^^&(*&^%$#@ !

If somebody is such a DARLING to help me whack it back in shape, rest assured i will be eternally grateful.

HINT HINT AND BIGGER HINTS.

pretty please. (=

msg me for the username & password.

Satisfied.

Celebrated Yvonne's belated sixteenth at Kbox yesterday. A fabulous time would be a gross understatement. i ve never felt happier or more at high. There were tons of laughters, heaps of wild screaming, loads of off-key singing/screaming/crooning, and of course, countless good ol' girlish giggles and shrieks.

Sometimes, what a girl needs is some plain ol' girlish undulated FUN. Complete with singing, chocolate and your bunch of crazy whacky best friends. The ultimate formula for any mood-lifter.

Joyce bought the cake from Bakerzin. It was a decadent confection of thick chocolate mousse, sinful chocolate crunchies + hazelnuts. One bite alone would put any months of dieting to complete waste.

Naturally, we lapped it all up.

Jumping on the couches, dancing on the tables, singing so loud our fellow Kbox neighbours were looking over. Wistfully, i might add. (=
It was pure fun. Time zoom by like it was on steroids. Handphones were left neglected, as we throw ourselves into the moment, ignoring everything that was happening outeld of the four peeling sound-proof walls of our room.
Ruefully, 6pm came. The stereo went silent on auto. Miffed that those lifeless machine were dampening our fun, we continued singing into mikes, ( fortunately, it wasnt on auto off ) with no music, just the blend our voices, speaking of our friendship, everlasting. One song turn to ten, ten turned to twenty. The people were curious how we kept on singing, we were a spectacle. But who cared? (=

It was the best time in ages. And we came out, promising that our next date would be on the 7th Oct. This time its Jasmin and yuting's sweet sixteenth.

Another day of fun and magic, Im alight with anticipation.

Thank you girls, for making this special (=

When you try to get everything that belongs to stay with you, it just ends up drifting even further away.

Like an endlessy frustrating Venn disgram, my circle of friends will never intercept. I'm so exhausted, fatigue is eating me from the inside. In the process of trying to stay with everyone, inevitably, you tend to neglect.

It so tiring, so tiring i dont even feel like writing in perfect English, and use complicated words and analogies to mess up with what i really wanted to say in the first place.

GUYS, im pleading with you. Im seriously really tired. I am. I cant take this anymore. I always wonder, carolyn, how did you prefected this precarious balancing act? With so many friends?

I screwed up with the friends i started Sec3 with. The people whom i opted to 37 for.
I screwed up with jiayi.
I screwed up with the seven girls. somehow or another, I did.
I screwed up with pris and everyone else.

I screwed everything that was once precious and dear to me.

In a word, Im screwed.
Somehow, i reckoned Lord is hinting that something ought to be done.

Im so tired, really so tired.
Sighs.


( Happy Birthday, yvonne. )

Smiles for hire.

$5 smiles : Your friends would be able to see through the facade in an instant.

$10 smiles : After moments, your buddies would be able to sense that something is amiss.

$15 smiles : Will fool the crowd, but not your best friends.

$20 smiles: Even your buddy has to take some time to deciper whats wrong.

$100 grins : Everybody will think that you're happy and dont have a problem with the world.

which is generally what we are all looking for, isnt it?

Now, who wants to hire a smile to paste on for the rest of the day? To hide behind this mask, giving you an absolute opaque facade, hiding you from the scutinzing of the society.

sounds tempting. (:

Without her hooker drag, she looked positively chic.
Hermes and Prada,
Savaltore and Vuitton.

Her clients would be surprised.

Finding refuge from the biting cold in a red phone booth, her clumsy fingers fumbled with the coin slot, her quivering interior hidden by a fashionably large Burberry trenchcoat, portraying to the society a confident female, beautiful and inditimating. This masquerade, so cleverly staged, fooling the passing world. No, you could not see her bloodshot eyes, hidden by Gucci sunglasses, oh no, you certainly could not decipher her bruises and cuts on her otherwise flawless complexion, Anna Sui took care of that.

Those coulture vipers would have been proud of their products.

The coin finally complied, slotting in neatly. Trembling, she dialled the numbers that were imprinted in her memory for so long. So long, she never thought that she would ever have to use it. But reality revealed its cruel side, mocking her and her fervent prayers every night, her pleads to the Lord were all in vain. Tears stung her already swollen eyes, her lips quivering. as she recalled what had happened, her cheeks flushed with intense humiliation just by the mere thought.

Finally, as though her recepient could sense her pain, and was saving her from further recollection of her ordeal, picked up the phone, rasping a hoarse hello.

"M...Max? It's time. "

If you're old and have the shakes,
If all your bones are full of aches,
If you can hardly walk at all,
If living drives you up the wall,
If you're a grump and full of spite,
If you're a human parasite,
THEN WHAT YOU NEED IS A WONKA-VITE!

Your eyes will shine, your hair will grow,
your face and skin will start to glow,
Your rotten teeth will all drop out,
and in their place new teeth will sprout.
Those rolls of fat around your hips,
will vanish, and your wrinkled lips
will get so soft and rosy-pink
That all the boys will smile and wink
and whisper secretly that this
is just the girl they want to kiss!
but wait! For that is not the most
important thing of which to boast.
Good Looks you'll have, we've told you so,
But looks arent eveything, you know.
each pill, as well, to you will give,
AN EXTRA TWENTY YEARS TO LIVE!
So come, old friends, and do whats right!
lets make our lives as bright as bright!
Lets take a dose of this delight!
This heavenly magic dynamite!
You can't go wrong, you must go right,
ITS WILLY WONKA'S WONKA-VITE!


hoho. (:
Amaths is doing this to me.

bloody shambles,
thats the state of my mathematically-declined mind when im welcomed home by a abhorrent pile of mathematics prelim practice papers.

BAH. ):


biology prelims practical was horrible.
i was traumatized, i may never look at a fish in the same way again.

some people never cease to amaze me, truly.

I was at woodlands library, picking out materials t keep me happy during the rainy days, when i overheard this conversation between an evergreen secondary school girl and presumably her boyfriend who is dressed in pink puremilk ( good lord, he must be mighty confident of his masculinity ) and jeans. his hair seemed t be frozen, with every possible strand defying the law of gravity. I believe that if I ever attempt to hover a balloon near his crown, the explosion might distrupt the serenity of the place. ( His significant other was no better, her eyes veiled by her unnaturally straight haair, it makes one wonder if its safe for her to walk alone without killing herself. )

but lets run along now,

girl : eh, this girl very chio hor?
( they were pouring over an old issue of seventeen )
boy : ok only la.
girl : ( pouting, shoves the boy lightly ) dont pretend la, she chio right?
boy : ( smirking ) where got you so chio?

[ for people who do not understand twits language, what he meant was , " She is not as pretty as you " ]

girl : ( trying hard not preen but failing miserably ) no la, talk cock ! dun anyhow say !
boy : really la! you so chio ! i sumpa...

[ sumpa apparently means swear ]

girl : [ smiling like a viper ] then i ask you horr, me or xiaoling more chio?

[ xiaoling should be a fellow friend of hers whose looks she was apparently jealous of ]

boy : you la !
girl : ( trying not to preen like a peacock but yet failing once again ) you anyhow say de! i where got chio-er then xiaoling?
boy : (nodding in earnest now) got ! got !
girl : ( her head looks almost too big for her now ) bluff !
boy : ( seemed to have given up ) ok lorr. bluff de.
girl : (smile vanished) really arh?
boy : aiyo, dont know la.
girl : ( a pout that would have made Ms.Jolie proud ) ok lor.

blessed silence descends upon my ears once more.

i wonder what was it that girl really wanted?
my condolences to her boyfriend.

if you play maple story, you will have an inkling about what im talking about.

amusing,
to see an adorable bambi-eyed female character in a land of cute axe-stumps and bouncy little mushrooms, ruining the pretty palette of innocence and whimsicality of the game by sprouting a coarse air bubble.

"chee bye la"
" dun ks la"
"tok cork"
"nt happi ask ppl beat me larz"

it seemed oddly out of place next t monsters who looked like my plushies standing on my table.

comic-relief, anyone?

happy birthday.

almost imperceptibly, it flickered out.
melted wax and pulpy frosting,
melded into unregconizable clumps,
dotted the surface of the redundantly fancy confection.

asleep, little cone cap knocked askew.
painstakingly arranged hair wrecked by hours gone by.
a palette of gloss and blush, defaced by tears.
comically tagic scene, does such makes.

a card, laced trimmed production of three days,
whsipers of sentiments and unwavering promises,
speaks of her faithful devotion
clutched in her hand,
an almost vice-like grip.

the kitchen clock strikes three
he arrived,
amid drunken laughters and helpless giggles.
key clumsily shoved into lock, twisting.
a solitary ray fell across the room
she woke up and blinked,
focusing, and taking in,
what stood on her beloved's doorstep.

he wasn't alone.

she knew, all along
his eyes burning the most delightful warmth
imprinting.
leaving a mark that cannot be seen
all the facade, all the pretense,
this superb act, marvelous preformance for the rest of the unaware world.
stripped away, bare in every sense
as they met each other eyes, boy to girl.

mesmerizing, captivating.
this one precious moment of beautiful magic,
was the refuge from the pain she seek.
chemistry and common sense, one confusing tangle.

a shout, distrupt this timeless bound
as both broke away from the spell that held them captive
without a word, without a sound
they slip back into thier masks, expressionless and brief
back to the routines of their lives,
back to their mutual ignorance,

their magic momentarily dies, however,
knowing and anticipating
thier next game of this inexplicable love.

after tuesday, macdonald's would finally stop its infernal playing of the national day's MTV over and over again.

BLESSED BE. (: