(Not) Strong Enough

Disclaimer: If you can't take the words, leave. I'm going through a rough patch now, I don't need your indignation over words I wrote in the foulest of moods. If you are going to judge me on this entry, you might as well stop thinking that you understand me in any wee bit.

Be Strong.
(Today is ironically, my parents' 21st Anniversary)

It's tragically funny how you only realize the extent of your own tenacity in moments so adverse, you thought you might just literally come apart, but yet somehow, you managed to pull through, for just another day. Because you know you got to be strong, sane and steady, nobody else is.

(Go Tze Go.)

I realize I need a friend at this period. Desperately. Not the kind that are all words and nothing else. I have no need for comforting placation now, I have no need for a solitary text message expressing concern, because it's so damn easy to text the words and press send. No sweat off your nose, no charge to your bill. You only lifted your finger to help, literally. 10 cents is what I could've easily spared to any stranger on the street, much less a friend. No "I-will-be-there-for-yous" bullshit when you're in reality, actually a good distance away. And don't get your panties in a bunch, this is not a jab to anyone in particular, but just an overall generalization.

(No, I'm not referring to you.)

I need the kind of friend I used to have in secondary school, the kind that took a cab down because I needed him, the kind that lent me a shoulder to sob on, mucus and all, without flinching, without hesitation. The kind who sat silently next to me when I wallowed in my misery like a self-centered bitch, without any exchange of words, but just this quiet silence and his/her mere presence for me to draw strength, comfort, friendship from. Because sometimes, all we need is just a tangible form of solace. Something real, not a message in a phone, not little testimonials in Friendster, not a dismissive comment on Haloscan. Not these little technological conveniences created that debases the genuine flavor of friendship. No, call me, spare the time to hear me out, or listen to me wail. Find me, give me a hug and tell me in person everything will be alright, squeeze my shoulders and tell me to stay strong. Otherwise, it's alright thanks, but no thanks.

(You are probably thinking right now, "She has plenty of friends that will be there for her. I won't be able to make a difference.". Funny how every single one of you think alike, don't you think?)

Fuck it all, everything is in a royal mess. The world can kiss my ass and go screw a rat.