This Blank Canvas

School days are hectic, and there isn't any inclination of a ceasing in speed and intensity. But during those little pockets of moments in all the rush, where the whirlwind of madness lapse for a tiny window of time, I feel like an empty shell of a person, going through the rigors life seems to be flinging delightfully in my face, not feeling much. Or rather, suppressing everything inside, because there is simply no time to confront my emotions or my thoughts. The random spark of anger, spurt of joy or tug of misery, my heart acknowledges, but the mind does not. It's always "I will think about this later" or "It's just simply not worth it to rehash all this now" or "I can't afford the fuss thinking about this will bring me."

They tell me to savor life, experience the bittersweet and delve into every emotion felt, to embrace all with open arms. Right now, those arms are loaded with responsibilities, assignments, worries and duties. I find myself dismissing the matters of the heart aside, to clench my teeth and bear it, or to take a deep breathe and hide it. Expression is a luxury, and facades became a necessity. Sad, I know.

I'm jaded enough to know some things are trivial and are just not worth investing time and effort to brood over, but sometimes, I just wish to reclaim the prerogative of a flighty irresponsible and dreamy fourteen year old schoolgirl, and sulk over the smallest pettiest things, and having someone to pacify me and make me feel better about myself. It's a female thing, I guess.

Enough about me. Somebody once told me, chocolate cures everything. I'm going to see if the theory works now. If anyone of you happen to be reading this, do tell me to hang in there, won't you? I can really use your encouragements right now.

"If you are going to walk on thin ice you might as well dance."