Therapy, sort of.

I supposed its for the upcoming 2006,
or maybe its just because my mother has been nagging endlessly, months on end.

I shoved all my CDs, of all sorts, onto my bed.
( They were an unsightly pile anyway, heaping on the desks, and perched pecariously on the shelf, some were even flung carelessly into the niches of my room. )

I was in a foul mood, having an outing cancelled by a close friend, due to family obligations. And the weather was a bitch, the kind that gets on people's nerves. Hot and sticky, heavy and stifling. Accompanied by the recent dread ( or fear, i wasnt so sure ) for the 1st three trial months in IJC that was looming ever so omniously, nearer and nearer, yep, I was slipping into a fuckedup bitch mode, rapidly.

Clatter and crash, the discs were treated with indifference and unintended vengeance.

Sort and slot. Clatter and crash.

As the categorizing proceed, I threw away many unwanted/spoilt/useless discs. My pile of discs eventually grew lighter, and neater.

So did my deposition.

With every disc I tossed in the discard pile, I felt the tight knot in my heart loosening, the clatter and crash gradually got gentler, till it finally settled to a subtle click and clack.

I reckoned I heard a shudder of relief issuing from the pile of discs that had yet to be sorted.


The chore was then done. I stood up and surveyed my work. Discs slotted neatly into their respective compartments, a compact stack was tucked away in a corner. My room became unbelivably neat again.
(However, we all know that it will soon return to resembling something the pigs slept in once the month was over. )



Surprisingly, I was alright too. No, not cheerful, not yet. But I was no longer in an awful mood.

I lugged the big bag of discards into the rubbish chute. Tipping it over and closing the chute, I heard the consecutive clunks, bangs and a final satisfying crash.
My heart felt lighter too.


Afterwhich, with almost frightening timing, the sky opened up and heavy rain pour forth. dispelling the sticky heat.


I smiled.





For those who doubt, try clearing and sorting your impossibly messy paraphernaila on a bad day. Therapy, and its free. (:

Instead of sulking, try sorting. ( Terribly lame, I know. )
But maybe you'll feel better.

Not Just Face Deep.

Remember when we were small? And we would peer into the artificial (magical then) blue abyss of the public pool with mixture of curiosity, fear and that tantalizing flicker of the precious knowledge that we are attempting stuffs of which the consequences are unknown?

Dangle a (sacrificial) foot into the egnimatic depths and swish it in the cool water, shrieking in delight, for we have found a new source of amusement.

Emboldened and bolstered with this newfound knowledge, we would plunge into the pool, so certain, so sure, the floor was just beneath, a scant few metres below of said dangling feet.
Only to realize, a horrifying second too late, the floor is within the standing capability of our chubby appendages after all.

Sputtering and sobbing, we splished and splashed to the surface, crying to our over-anxious mothers, the newfound source of amusement morphing, ever so suddenly, into a newfound fear, another dreaded reason for those nightmares when we go to sleep at night again.

Ah, all you people taking physics would say, but the depth of the pool isn't based on the naked eye, but on refraction and all that shit. (Pardon the lady's uncouth language.)


But ah, put away your physics ladden mind and use your heart to think for a moment, anyone has a sense of deja vu?

How often, would you encounter such situations?

To feel, you understand someone or a certain situation, and find out, that the cut goes deeper, much deeper?

I feel suitably chastened, to be ashamed that I would dare to assume so much of something or someone.To pour my truckloads of petty problems onto her, but not return the favor. To not know, everybody has skeletons in their closets, and had not bothered to find out or help out, because I assumed she was alright. Because I assumed she was fine.

Because I accepted her surface and her polished exterior.

If I were a true & good friend, I would have probed deeper, find out more, and maybe did something to lessen her sufferings, her burdens.

To this, I'm sorry.
You know who you are.

Santa, thats my only wish this year.

Santa-

what I really want for Christmas this year is:

-Hungry kids not to be hungry anymore.
-World peace. (HAHA)
-Blessings for Victims of disasters and terrorists' attacks
-A new medical discovery to aid the sick.
-Cure for immortality.
-New Funds for the Handicapped kids.



and most of all...





...and a gleaming silver Jaguar wrapped up in a big red bow.
And oh, the keys are in a Tiffany box sent to me through FedEx, or UPS. I dont really give a hoot.
Oh yeah, I'll just let my dad drive it first.
I can wait till Im like 18 or something.




WHAT? Stop looking at me like that.

HOHOHO

'Tis the season to be jolly.

Familiar songs crooning in malls,
holly wreaths and tinsel balls.
Fir trees stand tall and proud,
its baubles radiant, clear and loud

Grampa in a red suit,
with a big tummy to boot.
Deep chuckles and roaring hohohos,
he's what the kids love the most.

Mistletoes and its cheeky purpose,
couples sharing those amorous kisses.
Fake snows and excited toddlers,
beautifully wrapped empty boxes.

So come on, Saint Nick is beckoning,
Toss away your doubts, stop your worrying.
Gather your sweetheart or friends so close,
savour the xmas warmth with those you cherish the most.

Wince.

Hello people.
My four days as a promoter for Compaq Computers is over.
( Thank the merciful Lord. )

And the fuits of my labour?

Gum infection, severe sorethroat, aching soles and muscle cramps...
and oh yes, 240 moolahs.

Big whoop.

Nerdette Geekette Loserette.

Dear.Lord.

The first day of a slew of an (almost) endless dizzingly free holidays, with nothing I HAVE to do, only things I WANT to do.

And what do I do?

I meld with my computer screen and develped a spritual bonding with the keyboard. HOO BOY.
I PLAYED NEOPETS.
Oh.My.Lord.

I PLAYED NEOPETS.


Someone save me. I fear for myself.

Excuse me, I think I have to feed my Shoyu pet now.

Finito.

*Releases great big pent up gush of air.

ITS OVER OVER O-V OVERRRR!
(prances around)

Its only expected for me to get so breathlessly excited.
After all, it isn't everyday you can finally say,

"MOM? GET OFF MY FUCKING BACK OKAY?
MY Os IS OVER. OVER ALRIGHT? TECHNICALLY FROM NOW ON, YOU CANNOT ASK ME TO HIT MY BOOKS. BECAUSE I HAVE NO BOOKS TO ACTUALLY "HIT".
I KNOW THAT MINE HAVING NOTHING TO DO EXCEPT FOT MINDLESS IDLING FOR DAYS ON END IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES , BUT FRANKLY I DON"T GIVE A SHIT."

"HAH."

*sticks out tongue triumphantly.


Obviously, nothing good ever last. So I can only smirk for so long until the days the results are announced. My mom would be itching to get her two cents in then. ( told you to study already right! see! look at your results! dont say I never tell you arh! see la! play play play! you have no one to blame but yourself! )


But for now,she would just have to keep everything in. Hah.

WOOOTS. O LEVELS IS OVERRRR!
*resumes prancing.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Hysteria possessed me for a fleeting moment.

"What if I can't make it to JC? "
"Oh God, what if i only gotten a B3 for my English? Omg, what if its a B4 or 5?! Arggghh! "
"OHMYGOD what if I got more than 20 points?!"
"Oh no, what if I cant EVEN make it to a poly?"
"OH GOD WHAT IF I NEED TO RETAIN?"
"Oh my god I need a knife."
"OH MY GOD I CANT FIND A FRIGGING KNIFE! "

Yes, the thoughts tends to get more... agitated, shall we say, as it develops.
Maybe Amaths might do me some good, calm me down or something of that sort, yes.

Food For Thought.
Please chew carefully.

I was pondering as to whether I should post this up. Its has a bit of thought provoking depth. And whats with preparations for major exmainations, I suppose distractons would not be at all warmly recieved.

But as they say,
to the hell with it.

Many a times, we came to a pitstop in life that asks for compromises and crucial decisions. Being a typical human, the greed in us would naturally want both.

However, we all know better. It cannot be done.
Here, i post a series of questions, asking for the choice you would prefer.

Think carefully, my dears. (:

( The situation given is such that you would only be able to choose one. )

1) Lunch with long-lost aquaintance or movie with boyfriend?
( It would be your last before your death. )

2) A major heartbreak or a major exam ?

3) So much time that you become restless and bored, or a limited amount of time in which you would have to prepare for an exam?

4) So much freedom or your Mom ?

5) Be obese ( in which you cannot slim down ) and intelligent or Be beautiful and dumb?

6) Winning the million dollar jackpot or saving your aging parents?

7) In a case of a fire, saving your 10 years worth of memories accumulated in photos and journals, or saving all the valuables?

8) Dying and loved, alive and unloved?


(:
would adore to hear your ans from you all.

Bewitched.

So the fun has begun.

Sharpen your pencils, lick the nibs.
Get a ruler, and stop falling asleep.
Shuffle the pages, read carefully.
one time, two times or maybe three.

Get your mind to it,
get it done.
its only for an hour,
and maybe some.

Days will dash,
weeks will fly.
stop your moaning,
this is your last try.


Yeah it sounds juvenile and cheery leady, but thats the best i can come up with. Given the rushing and all that maths going into my head. (:
My apologies.

hello. (:

no profound thoughts, really.
pfffah.

chuckles.

By the way, in case your eyesight is as bad as mine, there's a haloscan located at the end of every post. But I still could not figure out the key to changing the colour so it wouldnt be so inconspicious.
So... there.

Drop a line, make me smile. (:

I have endless tasks to fulfill,
fun to be enjoyed,
movies to be caught,
photos to be snapped,
idle times to be spent,
food to be eaten,
games to be played,
serials to catch up,
shopping to be done,
chalets to be tonned,
books to be savoured,
weights to be lost,
exercise to be done,
mahjong games to be won ( HAHA, CARO )
and overall,
FUN TO BE HAD.



But the damned Os are standing in the way.
Bloody hell.

Grad night. 21.10.05

naturally, everyone went trigger-happy. flashes everywhere in the auditorium, you would have thought bae-fucking yongjun came in.

yeah well.



given the mood, everybody got teary. hugs were given and recieved. promises made, but will they be kept?

I hate pooping over parties, but the damned school havent got a clue, instead of playing the corny yet neverfails VitC- graduation, they played some song by celine dion and whatsoever by whosoever. Like, HELLO. I was prepared to sob like a shamin' baby, but OH NO THERE"S NO SONG.

Nevertheless, there are some who shed tears, guess i got to work on my emotion factor. But the feeling in my heart is bittersweet, and tugs painfully every second. how i wanted to cry too, to hug all my dears to tell them i love them admist all my tears. BUT I JUST COULDNT.

):

Looking around the hall, i realised how much i owe Unity. How many memories were encapsulated here, how many laughters, how much tears. How many screams and how many smiles.

How many friends.

When i was home, i blasted The VitC song in my comp and started to reminsce.

It hit me like a truck,

Im never going to have a chance to sing our school song again.
Im never going to walk by fourseven early in the morning, looking at those dears. Tong making Mel and Ying laugh. Han shushing them cuz she wants to study. Caro NEVER there cuz she's always late.

Into My own beloved nest, eugene yelling HEY TZEMIN! everytime i step in.
Shahril listening to his mp3.
Don rushing his geography homework.
Waiming and Bahri fooling around.
Joyce pouring over her idol mags.
Denise sleeping LIKE ALWAYS. (:
Pris not there yet, as she's always fashionably late, reaching the class at the last possible minute. Fengkai's booming voice to be heard from the room all the way to the Yangtze river in Goddamned China.
Zhiling's unearthly screams whenever some bug got the better of her.
Yuting's laughter, scaring the wits out of everyone.
Jeenson and John, teasing anyone in the vicinity, evoking laughter from Andrew, guoxiang and their fellow musketeers.
Karen's yells, cuz she's ALWAYS getting bullied.


Mr Tan's sesame street's antics and his sweet dimpled smile that we have came to LOVE AND HATE.
Mrs Tan's lovely smile, and losing her voice everytime she teaches us.
Mr Fan incessant nagging about how we should ASK HIM QUESTIONS, even if we dont take physics.
Mrs Kumar's no-nonsense sharp voice, silencing the class effectively.
Mrs Quah's high pitched voice, telling us about YET ANOTHER MOCK EXAM.
Mrs Chan fingernails-against-the-chalkboard voice, warning the class NOT to pon her Geog AEP.


How i will miss, how i will cherish.

The comfortable feeling of belonging, the lovely feeling of being loved by your friends.
The easy going demeanour, knowing full well you can yell to the class with no sense of self-consciousness or shyness.
Will I ever be able to do that in my new class next year?

Will I ever be able to walk in and know you made a difference and you truly belonged, their smiles, their laughters. How i love. (:

I will miss so much,
i will miss my stingrays binges with qiaozhen.
I will miss john mocking me as i lost to him in another maths test.
I will miss karen's incessant teasing, making me laugh everytime.
i will miss pricilla's adorable antics, exasperating me everytime.
i will miss my crude+gossipy conversations with my brother, peppered with fucks and bloody hells. RIGHT SHAHRIL? (:
I will miss Bahri my hunky babe, with his superlong lashes. His singing and his guitar-strumming.
I will miss Don and his superniceguy attitude. ALWAYS willing to place his ipod mini at my mercy. (:
I will even miss waiming's bloody irritating teases, always getting me all fired up.
I will miss eugene's NON-GENTLEMANLY attitude towards me, always treating me like im his guy friend. ASS.


I will miss being able to stand on a chair and shouting to the class with no fear that no one is going to even bother about me.
You guys built up my confidence, how could i not remember?


When i thought about all these, i broke down and sobbed.
I cried like i never cried before.


1/8,2/8,3/7,4/6.
Thank Lord.
He gave me four wonderful years, one hell of a secondary school life.

I dont think it can ever be beaten,
and that you guys can ever be replaced.

It struck me a few chapters ago that I had forgotten what day it was today.
It was on the part where I was pondering over Double circulation In Mammals, that I realized,

Hey, isnt today Saturday?
Oh No its not. Kidscentral is not playing Pokemon.
Its err..ahh..um, Monday? Oh Tuesay !

Promptly satisfied with my brillant deduction, I determinedly shoved my wavering concentration back to the fascinating text on why our busy blood cells needed to zip through the heart twice in one circulation.

Probably those little red dudes are on steroids. (:


Oh no,

that wasnt even remotely amusing.
*puts head in hands and shakes in despair*


Im going off the edge,
that i am.

never mind,
i set up a cbox.

For the love of God,
please bloody hell spend jst 30 seconds tagging something alright.

it doesnt take much of an effort to make me happy. (=

I cant get the haloscan up.

Any volunteers will be greatly appreciated
and rewarded......





BY MY LOVE! (=

WHAT? you thought i was going to PAY you?

( Sweet sixteenth, jas. May Friday noon rawk. (= )

Imagine.

Since young, I had a hankering for lovely hotel rooms.
Quirky, yes. I know that too. (=

I love the soft goose feather pillows, fluffy and sweet-smelling.
I adore the lovely oak furnitures.
I find joy in padding over thick carpeting.
I delight in the opulent bathroom, gleaming metal fixtures, smooth marble floor.
AND MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE,
the thick, fluffy and every so BIG white hotel towels.
Wrapping myself in it, I breathe in the clean refreshing scent. Intoxicating, the fresh smell of pure smell of cleanliness.

Yes, I have not missed out the finer point of hotel rooms.
How its miraculously and magically spick and span after the morning's disarray.
Magic little helpers, nimble little fingers and quick little feets.

I adore hotel rooms. (=

Emotionally wraught. Over-wrung.

I rode the train from YewTee to Newton, alighted, got back again, rode to Orchard.
Hesitated.
Town? My Os is looming over ever so omniously.
I opened my bag, saw my prelims results, the red scrawls mocking me.

" You think you will be able to get an A1? Keep dreaming !"
My amaths paper seemed to be sneering.

"You think you can get 10 points like Jieying? Dont be so unrealistic LA. "
Those red scribbles, dancing around, chanting like cruel kindergarden kids, taunting, scorning. Whispering to me, Im going to screw the most important exam in my school life.
Laughing, pointing, smirking.


I zipped it up, got out, and waited for the train heading back to Woodlands.

oh so its back.

what the hell.

IS THIS THING TOYING WITH ME?

FUCK AND DOUBLE FUCK.

I had too much time on my hands and just HAD TO GO FIDDLE with my html.

now my haloscan is gone.
!@#$%^^&(*&^%$#@ !

If somebody is such a DARLING to help me whack it back in shape, rest assured i will be eternally grateful.

HINT HINT AND BIGGER HINTS.

pretty please. (=

msg me for the username & password.

Satisfied.

Celebrated Yvonne's belated sixteenth at Kbox yesterday. A fabulous time would be a gross understatement. i ve never felt happier or more at high. There were tons of laughters, heaps of wild screaming, loads of off-key singing/screaming/crooning, and of course, countless good ol' girlish giggles and shrieks.

Sometimes, what a girl needs is some plain ol' girlish undulated FUN. Complete with singing, chocolate and your bunch of crazy whacky best friends. The ultimate formula for any mood-lifter.

Joyce bought the cake from Bakerzin. It was a decadent confection of thick chocolate mousse, sinful chocolate crunchies + hazelnuts. One bite alone would put any months of dieting to complete waste.

Naturally, we lapped it all up.

Jumping on the couches, dancing on the tables, singing so loud our fellow Kbox neighbours were looking over. Wistfully, i might add. (=
It was pure fun. Time zoom by like it was on steroids. Handphones were left neglected, as we throw ourselves into the moment, ignoring everything that was happening outeld of the four peeling sound-proof walls of our room.
Ruefully, 6pm came. The stereo went silent on auto. Miffed that those lifeless machine were dampening our fun, we continued singing into mikes, ( fortunately, it wasnt on auto off ) with no music, just the blend our voices, speaking of our friendship, everlasting. One song turn to ten, ten turned to twenty. The people were curious how we kept on singing, we were a spectacle. But who cared? (=

It was the best time in ages. And we came out, promising that our next date would be on the 7th Oct. This time its Jasmin and yuting's sweet sixteenth.

Another day of fun and magic, Im alight with anticipation.

Thank you girls, for making this special (=

When you try to get everything that belongs to stay with you, it just ends up drifting even further away.

Like an endlessy frustrating Venn disgram, my circle of friends will never intercept. I'm so exhausted, fatigue is eating me from the inside. In the process of trying to stay with everyone, inevitably, you tend to neglect.

It so tiring, so tiring i dont even feel like writing in perfect English, and use complicated words and analogies to mess up with what i really wanted to say in the first place.

GUYS, im pleading with you. Im seriously really tired. I am. I cant take this anymore. I always wonder, carolyn, how did you prefected this precarious balancing act? With so many friends?

I screwed up with the friends i started Sec3 with. The people whom i opted to 37 for.
I screwed up with jiayi.
I screwed up with the seven girls. somehow or another, I did.
I screwed up with pris and everyone else.

I screwed everything that was once precious and dear to me.

In a word, Im screwed.
Somehow, i reckoned Lord is hinting that something ought to be done.

Im so tired, really so tired.
Sighs.


( Happy Birthday, yvonne. )

Smiles for hire.

$5 smiles : Your friends would be able to see through the facade in an instant.

$10 smiles : After moments, your buddies would be able to sense that something is amiss.

$15 smiles : Will fool the crowd, but not your best friends.

$20 smiles: Even your buddy has to take some time to deciper whats wrong.

$100 grins : Everybody will think that you're happy and dont have a problem with the world.

which is generally what we are all looking for, isnt it?

Now, who wants to hire a smile to paste on for the rest of the day? To hide behind this mask, giving you an absolute opaque facade, hiding you from the scutinzing of the society.

sounds tempting. (:

Without her hooker drag, she looked positively chic.
Hermes and Prada,
Savaltore and Vuitton.

Her clients would be surprised.

Finding refuge from the biting cold in a red phone booth, her clumsy fingers fumbled with the coin slot, her quivering interior hidden by a fashionably large Burberry trenchcoat, portraying to the society a confident female, beautiful and inditimating. This masquerade, so cleverly staged, fooling the passing world. No, you could not see her bloodshot eyes, hidden by Gucci sunglasses, oh no, you certainly could not decipher her bruises and cuts on her otherwise flawless complexion, Anna Sui took care of that.

Those coulture vipers would have been proud of their products.

The coin finally complied, slotting in neatly. Trembling, she dialled the numbers that were imprinted in her memory for so long. So long, she never thought that she would ever have to use it. But reality revealed its cruel side, mocking her and her fervent prayers every night, her pleads to the Lord were all in vain. Tears stung her already swollen eyes, her lips quivering. as she recalled what had happened, her cheeks flushed with intense humiliation just by the mere thought.

Finally, as though her recepient could sense her pain, and was saving her from further recollection of her ordeal, picked up the phone, rasping a hoarse hello.

"M...Max? It's time. "

If you're old and have the shakes,
If all your bones are full of aches,
If you can hardly walk at all,
If living drives you up the wall,
If you're a grump and full of spite,
If you're a human parasite,
THEN WHAT YOU NEED IS A WONKA-VITE!

Your eyes will shine, your hair will grow,
your face and skin will start to glow,
Your rotten teeth will all drop out,
and in their place new teeth will sprout.
Those rolls of fat around your hips,
will vanish, and your wrinkled lips
will get so soft and rosy-pink
That all the boys will smile and wink
and whisper secretly that this
is just the girl they want to kiss!
but wait! For that is not the most
important thing of which to boast.
Good Looks you'll have, we've told you so,
But looks arent eveything, you know.
each pill, as well, to you will give,
AN EXTRA TWENTY YEARS TO LIVE!
So come, old friends, and do whats right!
lets make our lives as bright as bright!
Lets take a dose of this delight!
This heavenly magic dynamite!
You can't go wrong, you must go right,
ITS WILLY WONKA'S WONKA-VITE!


hoho. (:
Amaths is doing this to me.

bloody shambles,
thats the state of my mathematically-declined mind when im welcomed home by a abhorrent pile of mathematics prelim practice papers.

BAH. ):


biology prelims practical was horrible.
i was traumatized, i may never look at a fish in the same way again.

some people never cease to amaze me, truly.

I was at woodlands library, picking out materials t keep me happy during the rainy days, when i overheard this conversation between an evergreen secondary school girl and presumably her boyfriend who is dressed in pink puremilk ( good lord, he must be mighty confident of his masculinity ) and jeans. his hair seemed t be frozen, with every possible strand defying the law of gravity. I believe that if I ever attempt to hover a balloon near his crown, the explosion might distrupt the serenity of the place. ( His significant other was no better, her eyes veiled by her unnaturally straight haair, it makes one wonder if its safe for her to walk alone without killing herself. )

but lets run along now,

girl : eh, this girl very chio hor?
( they were pouring over an old issue of seventeen )
boy : ok only la.
girl : ( pouting, shoves the boy lightly ) dont pretend la, she chio right?
boy : ( smirking ) where got you so chio?

[ for people who do not understand twits language, what he meant was , " She is not as pretty as you " ]

girl : ( trying hard not preen but failing miserably ) no la, talk cock ! dun anyhow say !
boy : really la! you so chio ! i sumpa...

[ sumpa apparently means swear ]

girl : [ smiling like a viper ] then i ask you horr, me or xiaoling more chio?

[ xiaoling should be a fellow friend of hers whose looks she was apparently jealous of ]

boy : you la !
girl : ( trying not to preen like a peacock but yet failing once again ) you anyhow say de! i where got chio-er then xiaoling?
boy : (nodding in earnest now) got ! got !
girl : ( her head looks almost too big for her now ) bluff !
boy : ( seemed to have given up ) ok lorr. bluff de.
girl : (smile vanished) really arh?
boy : aiyo, dont know la.
girl : ( a pout that would have made Ms.Jolie proud ) ok lor.

blessed silence descends upon my ears once more.

i wonder what was it that girl really wanted?
my condolences to her boyfriend.

if you play maple story, you will have an inkling about what im talking about.

amusing,
to see an adorable bambi-eyed female character in a land of cute axe-stumps and bouncy little mushrooms, ruining the pretty palette of innocence and whimsicality of the game by sprouting a coarse air bubble.

"chee bye la"
" dun ks la"
"tok cork"
"nt happi ask ppl beat me larz"

it seemed oddly out of place next t monsters who looked like my plushies standing on my table.

comic-relief, anyone?

happy birthday.

almost imperceptibly, it flickered out.
melted wax and pulpy frosting,
melded into unregconizable clumps,
dotted the surface of the redundantly fancy confection.

asleep, little cone cap knocked askew.
painstakingly arranged hair wrecked by hours gone by.
a palette of gloss and blush, defaced by tears.
comically tagic scene, does such makes.

a card, laced trimmed production of three days,
whsipers of sentiments and unwavering promises,
speaks of her faithful devotion
clutched in her hand,
an almost vice-like grip.

the kitchen clock strikes three
he arrived,
amid drunken laughters and helpless giggles.
key clumsily shoved into lock, twisting.
a solitary ray fell across the room
she woke up and blinked,
focusing, and taking in,
what stood on her beloved's doorstep.

he wasn't alone.

she knew, all along
his eyes burning the most delightful warmth
imprinting.
leaving a mark that cannot be seen
all the facade, all the pretense,
this superb act, marvelous preformance for the rest of the unaware world.
stripped away, bare in every sense
as they met each other eyes, boy to girl.

mesmerizing, captivating.
this one precious moment of beautiful magic,
was the refuge from the pain she seek.
chemistry and common sense, one confusing tangle.

a shout, distrupt this timeless bound
as both broke away from the spell that held them captive
without a word, without a sound
they slip back into thier masks, expressionless and brief
back to the routines of their lives,
back to their mutual ignorance,

their magic momentarily dies, however,
knowing and anticipating
thier next game of this inexplicable love.

after tuesday, macdonald's would finally stop its infernal playing of the national day's MTV over and over again.

BLESSED BE. (:

choice.

while she loves her cadbury and worries over what major to take,
her innocence painfully endearing.

another prowls the street, and spread her legs
her only worries are pregnancy and AIDs



you sympathise,
but do you empathise?

blessed be.

i was browsing through the msn contacts list and came across yuhan's msn nickname. thou it was nothing t marvel at, it was certainly something that struck me, to linger at that thought, playing with it in the hands of my mind.

to quote : its the simple things in life we forgot.

simple, no? i highly doubt this little cache comes unfamiliar t you. perhaps you have always dismiss it as one of those oxymoronic phrases, that brims with sentimental meanings, but doesnt strike a chord in your heart strings, one of those little jingle you find in perfume-laden giftshops, where you scour for those meaningful little gifts with meaningless purpose to give to strangers you dont really know. comphrehend, non?

alright, returning back to my issue. its the simplest things in life that we often take for granted, because its always there, so fixed, a presence in your everydays routine that you barely take significant notice of it. the subtle blessings of home, did it ever occur to you, somewhere out there, a teen exactly your age, might be wondering which park bench to sleep on tonight? which bench, will hide her from the cruelties of this harsh world, which ordinary wooden furniture would keep her from being raped during her slumber? Did it struck you, that at another corner of this world, another teenager is comtemplating which store would she nick an apple or pear from? which store manager is only half alert, so she could sneak an apple, to last her for the oncoming two days? did it dawned to you, that there are kids in this world who's parents dont appear at your doorway every ten minutes, to advise you to stop banging on your keyboard and start revising? and they dont tell you that your music is too loud? why? because they are busy getting drunk on the bottle, or too busy whoring the night away, to care for the welfare of their children.

did you?

to be continued-

homecoming

blogging has seriously becoming excruciatingly boring.

i made it a point not to speak so much of my personal life, as opposed to what i would like to share with you. things more in depth. but embarrassingly, i ve ran out of things i wish to talk about.

maybe im not really the blogging air-your-views-and-hang-your-dirty-laundry type.

But what if im here, whining about how my DNT folio is all screwed up and how im going to drop dead from all the stress and how my chemistry results totally suck, those inane superficial things that goes on in the daily rountines of my life, would you be interested?

OR would you much prefer i hang the class's dirty socks out to dry, reporting on who and who is hooking up or breaking up. who's the bitchiest skank in our class,how i totally cannot stand her, but ohgolly, you see me hanging out with her in school the very next day? in short, being no different to the aunties who hang around the wet market all day, fulfilling their part as a stereotypical old gossipy hag.

would you sit up straighter and soak in every juicy word?

if i would been writing a post, with a familiar name in every line, telling you what THEY ve been up to. would you then enter my blog as one of your favourites?

would you.

; hands in mine, into your icy blues.
and then i say to you,
we can take to the highway
with this truck of ammunition too.

trying.

somebody jst shoot me please.

rose-tinted glasses.

something's not right, knocked askew. This sense of consternation is tainting my concentration with disturbing black spots, ruining this perfectly painted, flawlessly glossed picture in my mind with dark slashes of disquiet & trepidation.

but WHAT ?


Fluff & whipped cream adorned the surface, everything was seemingly cotton candy sweet. Do i really have to bite the apple to discover the poison, a second too late? Hmming & hawing my way through this entry, my uncertainty is blatantly conspicuous. The alternate pathway down this road is to duck and wait, in anticipation for the explosion yet t come, with a bang, i might add.


If memory serves well, stirring up dispensable trouble is certainly my forte. Though its not something not exactly to flaunt about.


Lets all lay low together,




and wait.

being the lovely lovely person i am, i shall write another "normal" entry for qiaozhen's sake.
(:

t the two of you-

if you have really resolved all your misunderstandings & differences, then it makes me so happy t tell you that you all have made one of my sweet sixteenth wishes come true. (:

honest ;

(:


ughs, i feel sick. must be the cadbury diary milk i wolfed down tday.

SEE LA, SHAHRIL & QZ, NEVER STOP ME FROM BUYING. NOW IM NURSING A FUCKING FEVER. ALL YOU PEOPLE'S FAULT LA. SPOIL ME ROTTEN. (:

but i still love you both (:
<33s


JIAYI : MUG HARD! <33 shall be here, rooting you on, doll. (:




psssst : is this "normal" enough? (;

because of all of you who cant understand my posts, my use of vocab now stinks t high heaven. pouts- ):

hurry, feel sorry for me.
i do adore t be pampered. (:

memories.

it was this one day of every year, everyone of us anticipates.

thanks t all of you, my sweet sixteenth is unforgettable.


08.07.06
i ditched the last two chemistry practical and napped in the sick bay. rejuventaing, i say. (:
rush down t causeway pt with shahril & qz. pris, joyce, denise, john & eugene were alr there. initially, we wanted t catch a lot like love, but turns out we were too late. ): so we bot tickets for the fantastic four instead. the movie was great, i laughed myself sick. (: yeapps, sounding like a fucking hyena. anw, met up with weiping & samson. the sweeties surprised me with a swensen's ice-cream cake. yes, i was fucking trying not t shed any tears, in danger of looking like a total bimbo. so these lil angels decided t grow horns and smear me upside down with whipped cream. oh Lord, it was all over me! pris went trigger happy and snap a couple of shots of me looking like fucking santa claus with his beard in the wrong places. (: it then morphed into a full fledged whip cream war, between me eugene weiping & pris. roars- washing my face helps so little. IT STINKS. but being the maganimous person i am. i forgave them (:
said our goodbyes, shahril& qz had trng, while eugene & der had t get home. Me, pris, joyce, weiping met up with justin, ben and jeenson at Sun plaza t watch Inital D. SWOONS. racing plus hunks do make an attractive appeal, i so fucking swear. muhahahah. after the movie it was late, and being the sweeties guys they were, jeenson, justin and ben sent me t my doorstep. awww, sint that touching.

09.07.89
met up with mel & ying at the station as we headed down t town. carolyn, han, ling & tong were already there. they gave me so many of these food! and a ripcurl bottle. yes yes YES, i love drinking, CAN? muahahah. ate swensens, sadly, the baked rice slipped in standard. the sweethearts then order for me this firehouse and started singing , no, HOLLARING the birthday song for everyone from orchard to pasir ris t hear. (: went t snap a couple of prints. and walked around. unfortunately i have t get home by 5:30 so everyone split early.

being so dead shagged, i jst dragged my feet to the social lounge, where my family planned a lil gathering to celebrate my birthday. all the adults were like singing and chatting, while the youngs uns were running around and screaming while i idled the time away in one corner, when SUDDENLY, this group of nuts( pris, joyce, der, waiming & wenwei) burst into the room with this huge HUGE apple strudel, and started singing happy birthday. Dear lord, imagine how shocked i was ! i could barely utter a peep. Saying i was touched would be a fucking understatement. I was THIS close t tears. OHMYGOD. its times like this, you feel so blessed, to have so many friends caring for you, planning for you. At that moment, i made peace with the screwed up world. (: we played and slacked till 10 plus close to 11. yeapps, these sweeties then pushed me into the pool, and ran away, laughing like fucking clowns.


this sixteenth birthday will be etched into my ming forver, tucked away in a special corner, only to be taken out t be savoured at rare times. I <33 all of you so much, words are useless. This Sweet Sixteenth is indeed so sweet, so precious to me.



<33s to those who texted me birthday greetings. be it midnight, morning, noon or even night.
at least you remembered. (:
(by timing) : shahril, jiayi, eugene, kahying, yvonne, jeenson, norvin, benjamin, qiaozhen, gekting, michelle, carolyn, xinying,tong, faris, john, rahila, joyce, samantha, jiayi AGAIN (:, xiaowei, yuting, vivien, jieying, christina, raymond, karen, geraldine, wenwei, waiming, carol, mel.C, jolinna.
I ADORE YOU ALL!


being so excited and blissful, i apologize for the way this post was written. so totally no standard, i know. (:

Out, the servants poured
from the fuchsia chamber
As passion ravaged to unfold
upon that satin number
Top to bottom, back to front
An insatiable hunger

Affaire d'amour

The horse carriage came by once again whilst she was having her usual dose of black tea at midday. Timely, somfort and warmth, much of what Doll's heart seek.

She gave the balck horse a pat as it nodded in reply, and hopped on to the carriage as it ventured out into the wilderness, into a whole new perspective.

It came to a land filled with gold and rubies, as a king lifted the curtain drawn over the window of the carriage, "follow me, for I have all the riches and glory no other man can give"/ the kingsaid. "These are of no use to me",Doll said in reply. And away the carriage went.

It came to a land filled with sacred manuscripts, as holy man lifted the curtains over the window of the carriage. "Follow me, for i have all the knowledge of the spiritual world for your soul to feast.",the holyman said. 'These are of no interest to me.",Doll said in reply. And away the carriage went.

It came to a land filled with hearts and cupids, as lover lifted the curtains over the window of the carriage."Follow me, for i have an eternity of love for your heart to be filled with bliss.",Doll said in reply. And away the carriage went.

Finally it came to a land filled with familiar things, as a brother lifted the curtains drawn over the window of the carriage."Follow me, for home is where the heart is." , he said. " These means the world to me.", Doll said in reply. And there the carriage stayed.


P.S Happy happy birthday to My Mom & Tong tmr. (:

They sipped whiskey and danced all night
Where were you while they were getting high
Holding on for you, she was, the whole time
Unwavering devotion, never did a moment slip by,
when you were absent from her mind

Admist the party, the thumping, all the noise
ladies, dykes aplenty at all corners of her eye
calls she made to you, umpteen times
For absolute clarity of your voice
she made her way out, mumbled a couple of byes

Down the spiral stairs with her clutch and coat
Smiled, when you fianlly answered
As she stepped out onto the quiet road
In irritation, you yelled over the line
Exclaiming that there's work the day after
and how she is wasting your slumber time
I love you, she whispered
As the van of a drunkard ended her life


P.S

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, XINYING :D
sweet sixteenth, dearie babe.

nuts.

im a happy fuck today. met up with pris, joyce, andrew & waiming and headed t bugis. pigged out at The Terre.
bakedrice&sirloinsteak&casearsalad&everythingelse.
its enough to make a prissy nun drool.
we went trigger happy & snap a couple of prints. i ve got to admit they turned out pretty well, it was the first time that my face didnt look like a fugly bitch.
headed down to indoor stadium jst in time for the PCK musical. it was a total bore. lucky for us, we only blew 20 smackeroos for a 55bucks seat. Thank Lord for cheap bargains.
we cabbed down to bugis again & window shopped, strapped for cash. had mos with pricilla & we bitched everything upside down, it was eight forty when we took the train back. justin msged me t meet up so headed t causeway pt, only t find that silly boy wasting his money on toy cars. he walked me to the busstop& waited with me. sweet lil boy, aint he.

anw, im wiped out to the very last limb. boned tired & weary. retiring to my slumber land now, dont you look for me. (:

toodles. ( i hate the way i wrote today. hor-fucking-rible )

enraptured -


mesmerizing green eyes ;

shaggy blonde hair ;

that sweet melliflous meltmedown voice ;


my lovely eyecandy ;


baby im besotted by you.



/sighs

jesse maccartney, you re my beautiful soul.

prayers be heard.


Fervent wishes, earnest pleads.


Dear God,
I might be a sinner, and doubt in pepetual faith. This might not be the last favor i would have to ask of You, but, but my sincerity is something you cannot Not regard. Let my friend's Dad be alright. Its something of humanity & not for one's selfish desires. To make someone who is so loved & cherished by his family to be well again, to spend the rest of his years doling out inspiration & unconditional love to his wife, sons, and daughter. The devastation is not to be overlooked should something happen to him. To grieve over a loved one is not a minor irritant. Please Lord, a love & a bond so strong, is not sin isnt it? Let his Dad be alright. Please. Im praying. With all my heart. Please.

morphed.


change's fucking inevitable.


between a rock & a hard place, which would you prefer? pfffhhht, i dont comprehend. why is friendship such a complexity of its own. if you re friends, you re friends. period. do not fucking bitch your heart out abt someone i saw u hanging out with at starbucks the day before, having a jolly hoho-fucking ho of a good time.



you know you re in a fuck of a snitch when both of your great friends absolutely loathe each other. guess who morphed unknownst t herself, into a bitchin' thrashcan?I was skimming over a few blogs, & im compelled t gag when i digested some of the inane&superficial contents of some whom i ve sadly labelled as my "friends" , some whom are close&dear t me, are being bitched&stomped about at other of my dear friend's post. no, she fucking dont deserve it. The way you tried to squash her with your tryingtoofuckinghardtobesofuckingCUTE language, and she didnt even SAY anything about YOU or offended you in the first place. so you heard a few rumours about her or you jst plain didnt like the way she looked, qualified you to what? TEAR HER REPUTATION TO UNFORGIVABLE SHREDS? tsktsk, honestly, shouldnt you hang your tail between your head & be ashamed of yourself?



in the rarest of times, i lamented giving my blogsite to a few people. so im not a good judge of people, i never am and never will. so screw me upside down, but thats the deduction for so many betrayals i ve been dealt with. i ve too much trust in people.


a leopard will never change its fucking spots, and here i thought that the glossy paint job shall hide the ugly scars perpetually.



im so thanking my lucky stars for people like shahril, pricilla, karen, weiping, qiaozhen & jieying. (:
they allowed me to be credulous to trust again.




im antsy & footlose with anticipation for the sixers' chalet. Its going to be a roll lickin' good time, im a happy fuck. (:
plus this is the my virigin chalet, im finally allowed to stay overnight ! and im so nutty happy that my first overnight will be with my sixers darlings. ((((((((:

on hiatus.

'tis such a burden to lug out the words from the bottomless pit of the swirling brain capacity.


such a mundane task, it its.


ho-hummm


Self-indulgence is pacing at the door-step of my mind, luring me to abandon this vexatious encumbrance. The allure of fun, leaves it tantalizing trail.


Forgive me while i relinquish my self-discipline, and succumb to the enticement of fun&entertainment.



To the heck with you, chemistry papers. Im seeking the festive escapade.

(:

all the chinese i ve learnt snce i was the tender age of seven were built up to a climax yesterday.
so it was, so it was.

the peak was well... a little disappointing.

well heck it was like any other 'undereds tests i ve taken in my school-hood.
i expected a lil more...oooopmh, a lil more drama, a lil more ceremony.
well wouldnt you? CONSIDERING ITS THE LAST FRIGGING CHINESE PAPER I WILL EVER TAKE.
(:



i hit town with my sevens. shant elaborate much.
am not in the literary mood today.

DO OR DIE.

icandothisicandothisicandothisicandothisicandothisicandothisicandothis
ICANDOTHISICANDOTHISICANDOTHISICANDOTHISICANDOTHIS
IMUSTDOTHISIMUSTDOTHISIMUSTDOTHISIMUSTDOTHISIMUSTOTHIS
IWILLDOTHISIWILLDOTHISIWILLDOTHISIWILLDOTHISIWILLDOTHIS

NO I CANT FUCKING DO IT ! ! ! !
i should jst run out to the road right now and be fucking hit.

SCREAMS.

ok chill, tze. relax, its jst a stupid fuck of an exam anyway.
[mumbles incoherently to self. ]


POST TERMINATED. USER IS NOT IN THE RIGHT MENTAL STATE AT THE MOMENT. WILL BE IN SHAPE TOMORROW. SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE.

[ insert random meaningful snippet here ]


its incredulously unbelieveable.


we re alr sliding down the tail end of may,
and to hop on to june in the flicker of an mascara-ed eye.


& i'll be kicking ass with the seven nuts at this time, a day after.
Great Balls Of Fire, Goodness Gracious Me !
[ insert emoticon here ]




Classification of the "mother tongue mugging masses"


there will always be three primary categories of people.


1. those who can be seen clutching the chinese handbook wherever she/he goes. Be it sleeping, eating, playing, usage of utilary facilities, so on & so forth. This decievingly studious image they portray is jst to flaunt at you that " HELLO, IM STUDYING AND YOU RE NOT LEHHHH. NEH NEH NEH POO POO. IM GOING TO SCORE AND YOU RE GOING TO FLUNK"
or maybe,
they re jst plain ol hardworking people.(:


2. those who have no idea that there's the exams next monday. in fact, i doubt they comphrehend the meaning of exams. " huh? what exam? got mehhh? " and then resumed bonding thier head to the tables.
or maybe,
they re jst a bit of a feather brain. (:


3. those are the ones we love to hate, people whom our envy flock towards like bees to honey.
"chinese O levels? aiyaaaa, never mind one laaa. no need to study one. fail jiu fail lorrrr ! " AND cram like frigging crazy at home, producing stupendous results, but portrays an exceedingly humble demeanor, "aiya, tyko de. " letting their A1/2 jst take over the job of blatantly mocking at our stupidity.


yes, its a cruel world out there, kids. we all belong to some type here or another. we might jst be able to decieve others, tricking them into thinking we re either tremendously hardworking or horribly lazy, but the grades dont lie. whether its a A1 or a F9, your heart knows the best. (:


but all in all, there are some people who are sincere in getting a decent grade.



kudos to carolyn, for mugging so hard for the upcoming devil. im really impressed by her dedication. now why cant i be jst like her and everything will be fine & dandy. hurrrr.
(:



MUG HARD, GUYS!

shape up or ship out.

slashes here&there, slashes everywhere.
no, im not talking suicide, im talking CHINESE.
pffffft, humbug.

i ve jst finished cramming all the shapes&sizes of different chinese characters into my toosmall mind, locking the door & swallowing the key. GULP.

yes, you re SO SO SO fucking bored, because everyone is going on and on perpetually about the mother tongue Os. and you feel like an old hag of a teacher who is marking the SAME OLD ESSAYS ABOUT THE SAME OLD THING for about forty times.

boohoo for you, maybe you should off the monintor and study for your OS too. (:
and if you dont have Os to mug for, i suggest you jst go shoot yourself in the ass before i do.

im ting-a-ling with anticipation for the 30th. Im so going to have the time of my life with the darling 7s. im missing them like fuck. (((:

the vocab aint all that ostentious today. my brain juice ran dryyyyyyy.

toodles.

struck speechless.

dislike&prejudice is handed out like fucking free flyers recently.

lets be realistic here.

I love twoeight. Lord knows how much i treasure them, i love them like nutfucks. But the reel of life dont pause till the credits roll. I cant always keep hanging my heart on the sleeve of my former FANTASTIC class. Reminiscing about the past& drown in my wistfulness, it just isnt done. One has to move on, not idle at a chronicle of your life that has been alr dusted over with a new year, new bonds&new great friendships.

No, im not saying i frigging love the sixers so much more then the 2/8s. No, thats beside the point. Granted, the sixers are a breathe of fresh rejuvenating air. I made so many great friends there. Life doesnt revolve around 28 only. Look, pricilla is a one of the greatest friend i ve ever known. Do you think i would have been friends with her if i dwell&mope about the past? How bout michelle, shahril(s), qz, waiming, yvonne & so much more ? They are bleeding terrific people, beautiful individuals who made my life so much brighter& so much more meaningful ?


Yes,years of being a twoeight-ian is one of the most significant memory in my life. Friendships made there can never and will never be replaced. They are locked in a treasure box tucked away at a special place in my heart, taken out, to savour the beautiful memories . memories are good, but not when you re over-obsessed with it.


Encapsulated in your memories, you can never face the present now.


I love my two classes dearly. I can only praise the Lord for blessing my secondary years with two fantastic class.

i ve been feeling so restless&irritable of late. minorities or majories has been getting on my frazzled nerves.

shit.
coherrent, no?

this sounds so pathetic.
but.

i feel that i have no friends to turn to.

help.


/wails


ADVERTISEMENT-

WANTED- A FRIEND.
SOMEONE WHO IS COMMITED, AND CAN ADAPT TO MY FLUCTUATING MOODSWINGS.
SOMEONE WHO CAN LIFT MY HEART IN BOUTS OF DEPRESSION.
SOMEONE,
WHO,
CAN,

jst be there for me ;



/sighs.

i wont even bother pleading you all to tag. my pride&ego has suffered enough/

i'l make this quick.

dashing off an entry before i retire.
for the first time in a pathetically long time, i finally hit town. (:

sad, aint it.

yes i know. but its been so long had i inhaled the heavy smoke ladden air at the heart of the city, to feel the adrenaline of shopping coursing through, clearing through the haze of bio, chem&maths like a hot knife cutting through butter.

YES! IT FEELS SO GOOD I TELL YOU.

i know, im beyond help.
so screw me.
((:

the emotion carousel took me up for a ride.

i ran past anger, swept through depression, flit around happy&delirious , hover around wistfulness, and land my big behind on bitchfits.

sometimes, i fear my poor overworked heart might suffer from cardiac arrest. raw feelings brashing through& charging past, wear&tear is starting to take its toll.

i caught xXx2 : The Next Level. and i often ponder at the utter wonderous inpossibilty of the tasks they perform. In reality, you will without a doubt, crash boom & die. not crash boom & ALAS! IM ALIVE! but all in very all, its the movies after all, escape&dream., and always come true.

why is it in flicks, will the girls always get the boy they want? so conveniently, that there will be mutual liking. so very conveniently, no matter how much of a dweeb/nerd you re, the bitch girl will end up weeping while you smile&kiss with the boy of your dreams.

huh. reel certainly isnt u.g.l.y reality.

how many times did we get what what/who we really want? how many times, do we often savour the change to prance on cloud 9, laughing at the world? how many times, does things turn out right for us?

the sad fact is, i can count the happenings on one hand.

the bright strobe light of reality often snap us out of the misty fog of our dreamy reviriere, cutting through the haze of illusions with a sharp statacco of realism., aka the real world.

enough of the depressions.

15th june, 16th june, 17th june

we shall be having our 1st class chalet in june. i'm ting-aling with anticipation. yummmm. i never thought the day would come that i would utter this, but it makes me so happy to know.

i love my 4/6. they rawk my boat.

its even nicer to know im not the only one agreeing. :D

its time for a change.

i feel rejuvenated.
(:


I PROMISE TO WRITE MORE ENTRIES IF YOU GUYS TAG MORE!
;D

toodles.