Home Alone I

My parents are jetting off to good ol' Bangkok (read: second home) for four days, and for the first time, without my brother and I in tow.

My father: ectastic because he can finally visit Buddhist temples and random places which he could never in the past because we were supremely disinterested and expressively whiny about it.
My mother : glum because she lost her best shopping partner.

My brother: secretly excited because he gets unlimited freedom, which is a tad scary if you think what four days of post-exams liberation without parental presence can do to a sixteen-year-old boy, considering my parents are taking the internet access cable along with them, hence no WarCraft to ground him at home.

Sadly, it makes little difference to me because I am still in the midst of Prelims II and what else can I do but study? The worst I can do is study till very late hours, but still, I'm studying.

Pffah, pathetic.

But I hope they have a safe flight and a satisfactory time.

You got to try this...

The Impossible Quiz

I got this off from WeiMing and I cannot believe its sheer entertainment value.

With the combined forces of me and my brother and a whole tub of Haagen Dazs, we only managed until Qn.50 before it got us slumping on the table and moaning defeat.

It takes a hell lot out of you but damn, it's so addictive! (:

Attempt only when you've absolutely nothing else of importance to do.

She made my day

You know you've the bestestEST Bestf anywhere around when you've been moody and in a depressed funk of late, and she surprised you by cabbing down to your place at midnight with a box of homemade cookies baked by the love herself, and gives you the kind of hug that makes you feel infinitely better, at least for the moment.

Nothing works like chocolate comfort and the Bestf's love.

Shouting out love from the centre of the world

I ain't got no Visa
I ain't got no Red American Express
We can't go nowhere exotic
It don't matter 'cause I'm the one that loves you best

Cedele with bestf was absolute therapy. It felt so fucking good just to spend time with her again, I have no grace in trying to express my happiness. I'm just glad we're throughly updated on each others' lives. Damn, nothing comes close to the feel-good I get from yakking with her, seriously. Love from the bottom of my <3

And,

We, or rather, bestf accompanied me down to Yishun to surprise Lisda at her birthday dinner with her secondary schoolmates. The place was so remote and tucked away that the cab driver had difficulty trying to locate it. Fortunately, Khairyn spotted us in the cab zooming past and she called me. Yeah, don't ask me how she managed to recognize me in a passing cab but she did, thankfully. The birthday girl was satisfactorily surprised by me, so all was worth it.


Just a few, no, A LOT of her favorite things from all over SG. After she is through consuming them, I am going to buy her a weighing scale. (HAHAHA) So for the 123456789th time, Happy 18th Lis. Enjoy the hamper with generosity aye? It was made with much love, brain-wrecking, and exorbitant MRT fees.

Not feeling very cheerful at the moment, it's been a quite some time since I felt this way at night.
(I don't know what is it you want from me, can you please tell me what do you actually want? Goddamn.)
EMO shit manzxzxzx.

Good night, people.

Meme III

The rules are as follows:

If you are tagged, you need to write an entry related to the meme. At the end of your entry you just need to tag as many person as you like. You will then leave a comment in their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

Please copy and paste this rule somewhere in your entry.

1. A person is only as good as what he/she is to you when you're fat/ugly/broke/controversial.

2. Friendship is always about unconditional acceptance and comfortable silences.

3. To love is to invest throughly and entirely, even when the stock prices might free-fall at any given time.

4. Money makes me broke, ironically.

5. I miss MOS Burger, green-skittles-on-the-MRT-bench, exchanging-knowing-looks-and-bursting-into-giggles secondary school everydays with bestf.

6. My way of saying I care is never as eloquent as the words I say to those I don't.

7. I try to spread love and happiness by doing a little here and there every day.

8. Pick the flowers if you have someone you love enough to give it to.

9. To love someone is hell......and heaven concomitantly.

10. Beauty is money.

11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was my disastrous individual school photo that nobody have ever seen, fortunately.

12. When I was twenty one, I remember I don't know yet but I sure as hell won't forget it when it's over.

13. I am most happy when I get something or someone to look forward to.

14. Nothing makes me happier than unexpected sweet little gestures and actions from the people that matter.

15. If I can change one thing, I will change the direct relationship between the amount we consume and the weight we put on into an inverse one.

16. If smiles were expensive then I think I would be effing poor.

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could stay encapsulated at 18 forever?

18. If you want to be accepted then you have to first accept yourself.

19. Money is not everything but it sure as hell can buy me most of it.

20. The most touching moments I have experienced is when you waited for me at the bridge in the park at 11pm and sang me that special song.

21. I smile when I think about November 16th and all the plans we have after that.

22. When I am happy, I grin like a moron...and I can't stop.

23. If only I don't have to care about the future, then i can be living life the way I want to live right now.

24. The best thing I did yesterday was to the 3 hours long chat into the wee morning hour with bestf.

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title, Banned and controversial. (Reverse psychology works yo.)

26. One thing I must do before I die is to have the most kick-ass marriage to the the man who can still give me butterflies in my stomach even after our 50th Anniversary.

27. Doing this meme, I am putting off reality for awhile.


P.S Today was wonderfully spent. (:

Big Girls Don't Cry

We brought too much food for the party, and too little batteries for the cameras. I dig SwuJuan's basketball style today, the last time to Roc Your Body 23A! is over. And I officially lost my mind this afternoon. (What the hell were you thinking, Tze)

Swimming with the girls later.

This gaping hole

"I don't want the world to see me,
because I don't think the world understands."


I'm feeling uncharacteristically melancholic at the moment. The luxury of time to think about matters of the heart is rather depressing.

Feel for a 1am phone call and an old friend's comfortable silence.
The top of the playground's slide,
you take one side of the earphones and I will take the other.
The world can sleep while our B&J melts beside.
Tonight.

(But you're all the way at the other side of the world, living out life the way you said you would. It's one exciting country to another, but do you miss home and us you left behind? Because I miss you, Ril. I really do. )

I need your comfortable presence and how you will never judge me on why I did the things I did now. You will understand, you always do.

On replay

Who doesn't long for someone to hold,
who knows how to love you without being told.
Somebody tell me why am I on my own,
if there's a somebody for everyone.

Sell me candy

It was a long week that flew by, (how oxymoronic I know) but my brain feels raped with all the impending and past mock exams and essays and assignments and prep talks that I think I've temporarily lost the ability for coherence. Pardon me, but this entry is going to be in a very higgledly-piggedly manner.


Mock exams are the flavors of the week. It was Math to Chemistry to General Paper to another huge-ass Math mock which was so impossible to do that it got my girls seeking solace in Burger King right after. Call it the binge-therapy theory, why not.

Everyone agrees I'm turning yellow. My mother is seriously considering a medical check-up and my father thinks I'm bulimic. @#$%^! this is getting out of hand.

Economics seminar was totally useless, all the Economics teachers from IJC zao-ed during the tea reception. We obediently followed suit. Dammit, my four dollars and not even anything from the tea reception. Ecnomics students hungry kids. So it was IMM with Lai Lai, Cindy, Bentink and Weechen. That was surprisingly very enjoyable.
(Lai Lai, we have to track down that Thai place and don't tell anyone so nobody will form bloody queues. PINEAPPLE FRIED RICE OMGZXZX!)

The bloody rain is ridiculous.

And I realize someone rather entertaining is spamming our class blog. Any idea who this Cheryl person is and why is she calling us chicken-byes? What is a chicken-bye anyway?

No more for now, I found an awesome site selling the most gorgeous dresses at the most orgasmic prices I AM OFF BABY.


P.S Joyce I saw a bright pink car today and I secretly named it after you.

Raindrops keep falling on my head

It's 3.32 am and I can't get to sleep.

Moments like these when you think about randoms, staring at the single dot of light on your air-conditioner. I thought about the talk I had with Mom in the jacuzzi five hours ago, and how she lost complete contact with her best friend from her girlish days. She told me how they used to be inseparable, and how her best friend would only board the bus if she saw my mother's waving hand out of the rear window every morning to school. Now they have lost complete contact, my mother tried calling, but it seems like she changed her mobile number. I saw that wistful look on her face in the pool, she thought it was too dark for me to notice.

I thought about the frenzied studying taking place, the cramming of concepts and formulas in which we will hold and only finally regurgitating when November disembark-- and promptly forgetting everything once that three hours are up. The vehement fight to park one's behind safely into a local institution to only begin on another vicious pursuit for yet another spot in firms and companies, in another word, to seek for a job, which will undoubtedly evolve inexorably into life's typical hamster's wheel, we, the hamsters running and never ending, for the money, it's always about the money. When will it not be about money?

I thought about friends, the all-consuming center of our teenage years. The friends from secondary classes, the friends from netball, the friends from junior college. Friends so vastly different from one another, but somehow or another, we always end up with the same problems that rock the boat. I thought about being 18 and what it heralds, all the vices that defines this generation's hip factor? I don't fancy the number 8 much though, 8 feels like its near the end, two more numbers and you end a chapter in life, mate. And as so many say, this is the best chapter I will ever live.

I thought about National day and the theme song this year. They seem to lose the flavor of a national song steadily every year. What every happened to good old hearty "We are Singapore, we are Singapore. We will stand together to hear the lion roar."? I remember churning it out gustily when I was a kid, and thinking childishly that we've got the best national day song in the whole wide world.

I thought about love, and why it is so much harder to forgive love than to forgive hate. Somewhere in a book, I came across this line "The one who holds the most power in a relationship is the one who cares the least." Apt, rather. People rant about living in a society full of facades and masquerades, but they never stop to think how necessary it is, this form of self-protection. Emotional investments has heavy costs and if any, uncertain returns.

I thought about the scene in the flick Men in Black, in which both of them opened a locker and realized an entire world is living inside, and how the scene expanded to show that their world is only another tiny locker in a bigger universe.

I have funny thoughts.

Its 4.53 am, another day beckons.

So it tells me

Friendster Horoscope for August 4,

2007

Cancer (Jun 22 - Jul 22)

The Bottom Line

Go ahead and socialize with that new person. It will be interesting for you both.

In Detail

Try not to be too suspicious of someone who has been paying a lot of attention to you lately. Why are you doubting that they are genuinely interested in you? There are no strings attached, so stop worrying. It makes perfect sense that they would want to get to know you better, so why don't you let them? Drop your guard just a little bit and let them in. Go ahead, and socialize with them. It will be very interesting and illuminating for you both.

It's almost as if it knows.

The (Un)said

Please give me strength. I (desperately) need to be strong enough to tide over these few months and I'm (not) just referring to my studies. (I'm sorry that) I'm just not steady enough in so many aspects in my messed up life. (I'm sorry that) I've been neglecting and have been neglected by people who matters most to me. (I hate it that) I allow myself to be affected by them, because it just means that I (stupidly) let myself be vulnerable (again). I (hate myself for) being played a fool, and permitting myself to be used (over and over again). I feel so much contempt for my weakness, that I think I'm brimming with self-loathing.

I'm (not) strong enough. All I want to do is break down and cry.

EH LEE!

Eils, you and me are going to do midnight studying and then go for prata and satay because we are going to totally deserve it after frying our brain cells over Econs and Chemistry aye! I know it sucks to see people around you having the drive except you, and I can relate. But please remember that you are going to enter NUS with me next year to see the boys and break their hearts okay! Anyway, we haven't been talking for ages and you should be ashamed of yourself, GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER WOMAN. I want the dirrrty, sordid details soon!

(AND PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME SOMETHING INTERESTING THAN GO OFFLINE IMMEDIATELY OKAY. I will hunt you down and kill you. )

Crunch time

As of Friday, 27th July, I got my hair cut. A long long time overdue.


And on other significantly more mundane topics, I studied like a cow for this entire week. A Levels is less than a hundred days away, it finally hit me and hard. (took me long enough) My results from Prelim 1 is, to put it nicely, revolting. No more mere triviality and such, it's time to get to the grind and STUDAYYYYE.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

It laid in my lap, a delicious weight.


I held it up, surprisingly light and compact for all the enormity of its contents that lay beyond the first three pages. A sense of surreal crept over me. It's just a book, paper and ink, but it's also so much more, so very much more.

I started reading the first of the series in Primary six, a wee age of 12, at the threshold of adolescence. And now, I stand at the cusp of my teenage hood at 18, and I'm about to come to and end of my Harry Potter journey.

It's fitting, somehow.

When I wrote this entry, I have not flipped to the first chapter yet. The only text that I've picked off from the book is the front blurb and the back page about Rowling. Like a highly anticipated gift, I was reluctant to jump straight into the story, having wait for close to two years for this moment, I felt it deserve more ceremony. It doesn't seem right to just read off the bat without savoring the pre moments of finally possessing it and finally, finally knowing. I fingered the heavy gold embossed texture of the letters on the cover, the anticipation and longing is overwhelming.

I know I sound like a psychotic cult geekfan but when it comes to this particular bespectacled boy and his world, I'm not ashamed to say that is exactly what I am. Those who had the fortune to lose themselves thoroughly and completely in this amazing realm created by Rowling can empathize with me, I'm sure.

The reason why I'm writing this is because I want to remember this delicious feeling of blessed unknowing before entering the story. I want it written down in black and white, in indelible words so that I will be able to remember this sense of trembling anticipation, like moments before embarking on that trip you've been longing to go all your life, especially during the inevitable post-ending depression that will come when I finally put down the book.

See you 603 pages later.

Who Ever Loved, that Loved not at First Sight?

(This poem by Christopher Marlowe is one of my favorite favorite absolute loved to death poem of all time)

It lies not in our power to love or hate,
For will in us is overruled by fate.
When two are stripped, long 'ere the course begin,
We wish that one should love, the other win;
And one especially we do affect
Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:
The reason no man knows, let it suffice,
What we behold is censured by our eyes
Where both deliberate, the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?

I did a rather thorough blog-hopping just now, and in a decidedly untypical manner, made myself read each and every of my friends' blogs, be it the interesting, the intellectual, the mundane, the narcissistic or the incoherent mess type. And oh! I was so very tickled by the intensely dramatically tragic manner which some tend to express themselves in. Lines like:

"You ripped open my heart and left only scars that cannot heal."
"I built a wall around my heart, only to have you tear it down again."
"My tears and my blood shed to win your love."
"You got me in so deep, I am utterly lost without your smile, your touch, your presence."
"The scars you inflicted gets deeper with each passing second I think about you."

And I could've gone on and on and on! Tsk, we girls are emotional creatures aye. You would think they fancy themselves as young Danielle Steels(whose books I LOATHE by the way) of some sort, from that mushy heartbroken tone they compose their thoughts in. When you stand in an objective stance and think, we teenagers are really a very angsty lot, with emotions to burn, don't you think?

Surreal

So here I am, in the college's library, around me are shelves after shelves crammed filled with academic texts of diverse subjects, stacks of old examination papers and resources. Everyone else is bent over their thick books, terrified about the nearing prelims 2 that is a disgustingly short two months away, and I am deeply intensely engrossed in...


...playing online mahjong on Yahoo with WeiMing and Flora.



I ought to be smacked, I think.

Princess of the day/ Edited

(This is one entry that I should turn to whenever I start feeling neglected or unloved.)

Because my loveliest friends make 18 such a sweeeeeeet age to live, celebrate and love. To do justice to their love, I'm not going to skimp on the details and try my very best to pen down my thanks and everything else that made my 18th birthday such a banging terrific affair.

THANK YOU to my sevens for Saturday night at Cafe Cartel, roses, the gorgeous heart-shaped poster, endless laughters, shrieking that drew glares from other patrons, the cheesecake that was supposed to be sold out and tolerating my "ok-i-don't-care-the-next-one-sure-funny-one!" lameass jokes and for just making me laugh like never before again.



THANK YOU to my dearest KG, the oldest gang of gal pals I have ever had. With them, I never felt the need to pretend to be someone I'm not, or to say something I don't mean. I love the familiar support and wordless understanding they never fail to provide during the toughest of times. Thank you for the wonderful day at Sentosa, where we are all reaping the painful consequences now, the carefully planned games, the insane entertainment that you girls effortlessly inject, the Warehouse gift card, the birthday cheesecake (again HAHA), the lovely long bus ride home and just all the heart-to-hearts in between.


THANK YOU my favorite people in 23A. I am....rendered speechless by your gift, honestly. I don't know what to say, thank you don't seemed to be enough. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it, I love that y'all spent so much love and time on it, I love it that you noticed every little inconspicuous quirks and habits of mine and put a little of eveything into the gift, and I am absolutely CRAZY over the DIYed photo album, it made me smiled so hard when I looked at it. Lis, Ryn, Flor and Ming- you make JC life frickin' awesome, y'all are absolutely irreplaceable.


(I know I'm gushing and it's sickening, but OMG I REALLY REALLY DO ADORE THIS SO MUCH!)

(Because we didn't managed to take a photo today, I had to use an old one. )

(And Joyce babe, I think your sexy-butt bubble man is out of this world too! Heheh)

THANK YOU (although I've a good mind not to for the month you put me through) to bestf who intentionally ignored me for an entire month in order to make sure I am properly convinced that she has totally forgotten about my birthday and my existence, and calling up my classmates who happily went along with her ( *coughs*Lisda*coughs*Eileen*coughs*) and finally giving me the shock of my life when I see her standing in my school canteen today, grinning like a fool. Thank you for the gorgeous DIYed collage, the Cedele cupcake, but most of all, finally catching up over dinner with my family and being a proper bestf again. You are the perfect end to a perfect birthday, love.


THANK YOU to the lovely netball girls (and Shaowen) for the Royce bitterdark and card. It was unexpected and such a pleasant afterbirthday surprise. But knowing my disgustingly undisciplined weakness for gourmet dark chocolates, I will probably put on a good 2kils. So thanks and no thanks girls. I do miss our giggly fun and trainings, ya think Clayton will consent for us to participate in Pesta Sukan 07? :D



THANK YOU(or maybe not) to the rest of the Elevens for the insane I'm-not-too-sure-how-many-inches-but-it-looks-scary-as-hell high heels, which I so know I'm going to either fall on my ass trying to walk in them or kill myself walking down the stairs, whichever comes first. Yes, thanks alot girls, y'all secretly hate me right. Pfffah. But seriously, it's gorgeous and I love it!

And of course, not forgetting those who remembered. To those who called/smsed/emailed/wished me in school/blogs, cheers! You played a bit in making this lady's 18th an absolutely fabulous one that she will never forget. They say you should celebrate your 18th with a bang, I never did expected to but it did. I'm the happiest girl today, thanks to all of you dearest loves.

XOXOXO and my heartfelt annoyingly repeated thanks,
18 years old and still kicking! Tze

In my previous entry I said...

"the last GSS shopping spree on Thursday (I'm going to haul MAJOR ass),"

...which I did, with a passion. I think I ran up a record on Mummy's Visa.

(IT FELT FUCKING FANTASTIC.)

Mom said that the ridiculously extravagant shopping spree today, together with my new contact lenses, is my 18th birthday gift. It is by far, the most awesome, the best one I've ever received. The haul, coupled with a good good GOOD bonding session with motherdearest today makes it perfect. We talked about everything under the sun and everything that isn't. Okay, maybe gossip would've been a better word. Sometimes, I think my mother is a insane, giggly, teenager stuck in a mother's body. Sometimes we sound so alike it scares me.

But all in all, I DID hauled major ass, and somemore. The afterglow is still tingling, I swear. (:

(Funny how so many people I know happened to be in town today and Orchard Road is apparently big enough that we did not bump into each other at all. )

And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MERELDA!


<3!

Interlude,so very brief

The past week lumbered heavily by with an armload of exams of which I am supremely confident of flunking at least 2 of them. Pfffah, to think I gave up my social life in the June break for naught, it's rankles the hell out of me.

The papers were both physically and mentally draining. Funnily enough, don't you think, it being physically exhausting when the only exertion was parking my ass on the chair and barely lifting a finger to scribble. But yeah, it was.

On a much much very much lighter note, I'm rewarding myself undeservingly after my last paper on Tuesday.
MoviesmoviesMOVIES! that have been loooong overdue on Wednesday,
the last GSS shopping spree on Thursday (I'm going to haul MAJOR ass),
meeting up with the dearest 7s (at frickin' last) on Saturday and
SENOTOSA BABY! with KG the next day.

And comes Monday, which is probably the only day in the entire 365 heap that is worth your utmost attention.
(HEH)

Narcissism aside, I really really really don't want to get back any of my papers and face the bitch of a reality. ):

P.S This is a little late but you da shiiiat, Khairyn A! Full marks babe! <3!